She walked down the winding path, only the snowy peaks looming behind her and the valley down below inviting anyone who cared to enter. She walked, oblivious of her surroundings, wanting just to keep walking, walking, without caring where the path took her. She had to keep walking, that was the main thing. As long as she was walking she was fine. Or so she told herself.
She walked on, scarcely aware of the agitated expression on her face, and her lips being bitten by her teeth in her effort to not break down.
She walked on, without seeing her acquaintances who waved or smiled at her as they passed by her. In front of her, nature was holding her hands out like a mother's embrace. The cold seemed to be emanating from inside her, and not from nature. The huge trees, the valley with the stream, the narrow path, the snowy peaks all seemed to be trying to console her, beckoning her with love and warmth. The solitude felt so sweet.
Suddenly coming out of her reverie for a minute, she realized she was not in the hills but the same old city and its polluted, over-crowded roads. It was agonizing, nauseating. She took a turn into a lane that looked empty.
She, who was always alone in her life. The Eternal Loner, as she fancied to herself. The Eternal Loner. Unable to cope with fellow human beings. The misanthrope. The woman who wanted to be Fiercely Independent.
She took a long breath, and was not surprised for a moment that breathing like this came so naturally to her, even under water. She was conscious only of the soothing green of algae and the klaavu that deposits on the lamp after oil stagnates in it. Just the green, all around her, and all still. She was lying still, under the green water, only conscious of the soothing green and her own breathing, her body having become so light that she was almost floating. The water was cool, and undisturbed, unmoving.
She heard someone call out her name, but didn't want to come out from this soothing stupor, this sweet sleep. But she opened her eyes: and realized she was not under water but walking down the same lane she had turned into, in the very same city. A friend she hadn't met for sometime had come from the opposite direction and stopped in front of her unseeing eyes.
She made an effort to smile and apologize for not noticing the friend. It felt like too much effort -- moving her facial muscles, finding words to speak… She felt numb inside. The only feeling pulsing inside was an urge to keep on walking.
---
Delhi
2016.
She walked on, scarcely aware of the agitated expression on her face, and her lips being bitten by her teeth in her effort to not break down.
She walked on, without seeing her acquaintances who waved or smiled at her as they passed by her. In front of her, nature was holding her hands out like a mother's embrace. The cold seemed to be emanating from inside her, and not from nature. The huge trees, the valley with the stream, the narrow path, the snowy peaks all seemed to be trying to console her, beckoning her with love and warmth. The solitude felt so sweet.
Suddenly coming out of her reverie for a minute, she realized she was not in the hills but the same old city and its polluted, over-crowded roads. It was agonizing, nauseating. She took a turn into a lane that looked empty.
She, who was always alone in her life. The Eternal Loner, as she fancied to herself. The Eternal Loner. Unable to cope with fellow human beings. The misanthrope. The woman who wanted to be Fiercely Independent.
She took a long breath, and was not surprised for a moment that breathing like this came so naturally to her, even under water. She was conscious only of the soothing green of algae and the klaavu that deposits on the lamp after oil stagnates in it. Just the green, all around her, and all still. She was lying still, under the green water, only conscious of the soothing green and her own breathing, her body having become so light that she was almost floating. The water was cool, and undisturbed, unmoving.
She heard someone call out her name, but didn't want to come out from this soothing stupor, this sweet sleep. But she opened her eyes: and realized she was not under water but walking down the same lane she had turned into, in the very same city. A friend she hadn't met for sometime had come from the opposite direction and stopped in front of her unseeing eyes.
She made an effort to smile and apologize for not noticing the friend. It felt like too much effort -- moving her facial muscles, finding words to speak… She felt numb inside. The only feeling pulsing inside was an urge to keep on walking.
---
Delhi
2016.
