31 January 2010.
A mystery called love! Many things that I am in the middle of, many things that I sense and are sensed in me by those whom I love (and am loved by)... Many things that need to be said but can be understood only keeping aside the hearer's own experience.. I know I'm not being clear enough. But sometimes there remains an unfulfilled wish that a lover would also be a friend... friend in the sense someone who would just hear me out without being affected by what they hear... so that I can speak out without having to think how it would affect the person hearing it....
But most times it is just not possible. I, being what I am, cannot speak without thinking how it would affect the person listening to me. And I cannot speak out when I know that the things I say are going to be judged by the person listening to me. Even people who profess to be non-judgmental do in fact judge when it comes to their own personal matters. Perhaps I do too. But I understand. It cannot be helped.
So I'd rather keep some things to myself. Hence the blank.... That there IS something, but it is not being said. People do know intuitively that there are eloquent silences... But they sometimes do not recognize it when it stares them in their face. Maybe because it doesn't matter to them, maybe because they are just incapable of recognizing it. Its okay. I dont have complaints. But it does matter to me: the eloquence is mine, and the silence is mine. The battles that are mine have to be fought by me. No use wishing that ANYONE would understand. So I won't wish.
...
Later I found this beautifully captured in just two lines by a favourite poet of mine, which I translate below:
"Silence
Is not the secrecy of words;
It is the eloquence of the mind."
But most times it is just not possible. I, being what I am, cannot speak without thinking how it would affect the person listening to me. And I cannot speak out when I know that the things I say are going to be judged by the person listening to me. Even people who profess to be non-judgmental do in fact judge when it comes to their own personal matters. Perhaps I do too. But I understand. It cannot be helped.
So I'd rather keep some things to myself. Hence the blank.... That there IS something, but it is not being said. People do know intuitively that there are eloquent silences... But they sometimes do not recognize it when it stares them in their face. Maybe because it doesn't matter to them, maybe because they are just incapable of recognizing it. Its okay. I dont have complaints. But it does matter to me: the eloquence is mine, and the silence is mine. The battles that are mine have to be fought by me. No use wishing that ANYONE would understand. So I won't wish.
...
Later I found this beautifully captured in just two lines by a favourite poet of mine, which I translate below:
"Silence
Is not the secrecy of words;
It is the eloquence of the mind."
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