When everything seems...

This running seems never to end.
Wander aimlessly,
Be pulled into a current,
And run...
You tell me I'm running away.
But,
Why don't you??

And then again,
After having run for days on end
I always reach a dead end
Without an exit,
And no option of returning -
There's simply no About-turn in this game.

Stuck!!
Stuck in the quicksand of meaninglessness
I'm still searching for the escape,
Not just for me,
But for you too.

...

sentences
trailing in the wind

kites
bound to the ground
with their strings flying instead

masks
turned inside out
revealing
the very emotions they were meant to hide



(No, I did not make a statement.)

Journeying on...

Yes, I journey on.

Sometimes stopping, sometimes speeding on. At times being carried away by currents of wind and the currents of the ocean. At other times, being stopped by things floating in the water, or simply reaching stagnant water that does not flow nor allow one to flow. Yet, I journey on, for this journey has no end. Iska koi ant nahin hai.

I realize, each time I look back, and each time I look ahead, that this journey is, and has always been, all about finding out who and what 'I' am. I realize that I have been on a long, seemingly never-ending search of myself. I believed that each step, good or bad, would take me closer to this understanding.

Now, waking up from a long period of stupor, I realize that I will never 'find' myself, for, with each step I take and each thing I do, I am 'making' myself. I realize that I can take it in my hands, decide who or what I want to be, and mould myself... into anything I want.

And so I will strive, I will struggle. I will live.

...

Going Yellow - Or, കൊന്നക്കാലം

A windy day that kept on promising that it would be a rainy day, but turned out to be just a dusty day.

Momentary moments of illumination...

Silence

After a long long time, it feels good to be on my own, to be - well - not so much at peace and yet be at peace... to be silent, to be alone. To feel that yes, 'I' am still alive.

And it feels like getting back to square one... right where I started (or so it seems, at least.) I am still searching, even though I did find some jumbled parts of the answer.

And yet, some things have drastically changed... some voids have got permanently filled, but it makes me want to leave some others unfilled..... perhaps for a reason to go on.

'March on, forward' is what you always said, and I am eternally grateful. But I also realize that it is not something that I didn't know: I have always marched on, and will surely do so again.

The only things that remain unchanged are these eternal doubts of mine... maybe I am a doubting Thomas, after all. Whatever I do, however things turn up, these only seem to increase instead of decrease. And your ways don't help in the least.

And, in your own words, "Silence/Is not the secrecy of words/But the eloquence of the mind." Therefore, (maybe since I understand it better,) my silence looks better to me than yours.

Forgive me.